Three Reasons You Should be Afraid of Spiders

I lectured my wife last night about irrational anxieties – she’s got some doozies.

First Reason You Should be Afraid of Spiders

You never know how fast they are going to run.

Second Reason You Should be Afraid of Spiders

You never know if they are the “jumping sort”.

Third Reason You Should be Afraid of Spiders

They hide on doorknobs.

For reference, the spider portrayed at the top of this post is “smiley”. Many times they act like that so you won’t be afraid, but you still should be.

­čśë

Image credit: Architetto from the Open Clip Art Library.

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Ten Things I Thought I Saw on a Pilates T-Shirt

It’s been a long hard slog for me to learn about Pilates, and I swear sometimes I’m more confused about it than not. But here are some t-shirts that may clarify some of the concepts and goals. ­čÖé

  • My core can beat-up your core
  • My other car is a Cadillac
  • Pilates teachers do it on the mat
  • Pilates teachers do it with equipment
  • Pilates teachers do it for YOUR benefit
  • If God meant for us to do Pilates, he would have told a guy named Joseph to invent it
  • I feel core-some
  • It’s not just “that weird thing celebrities do to stay in shape” anymore
  • It’s like doing good for the world, except the world is yourself
  • I did the Hundred, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Ten Things I Thought Before Giving Blood


If you’ve been here for a while, you’ve heard me rave about the community spirit in my new home town – in particular our local ice-cream shop, What’s the Scoop, which runs a lot of blood drives.

I spend a lot of time in anticipation of these blood drives, and I get to thinking all sorts of strange and funny thoughts. For example:

  1. Does this extra pint of blood make me look fat?
  2. What if it comes out green? What would that mean?
  3. I’m giving blood at my neighborhood ice-cream shop. Why does everyone think that’s so funny?
  4. I am prepping for the blood drive by bulking up on iron, and now I can only point north.
  5. And to think some people thought Indiana Jones was a humble hero!
  6. This must be what it’s like when they make maple syrup.. sort of.
  7. This would go faster if they’d let me jog on the treadmill.
  8. Platelets are what fancy people use when they eat little snacksies.
  9. I feel like a prick.
  10. I am Iron Man! Eep.

After I gave blood, my thoughts were somewhat different. ­čÖé

Rain is …

  • … in my right shoe.
  • … attacking my netbook.
  • … jottling my glasses.
  • … not here to stay.
  • … coming back.
  • … humidifying my basement via open windows.
  • … making mud.
  • … perhaps the cause of train delay?
  • … stopping me from mowing.
  • … bringing out the Umbrella Army.
  • … making dry things damp, and damp things wet.
  • … clearing the cloudy sky.
  • … sneaking quietly down around my house.
  • … helping the compost.
  • … streaking train windows.
  • … giving rise to thought.
  • … not snow!
  • … bringing caution, commuter anxiety, indifference, and change of plans.
  • … pretty persistent now.
  • … pretty persistent.
  • … pretty.

Graphic credit: spite (OpenClipArt)

The Seven ssert’s of a Balanced Day

Some of us have.. err.. “habits”. Sometimes our habits need “justification”.

The next time someone “complains” about your “sweet tooth”, just remind them that a balanced day has a full seven ssert’s and you’ve barely had four of your allotment (say it, even if it is a lie).

For easy reference:

  • Break-ssert: ┬áDessert for breakfast
  • Mid-ssert: ┬áDessert in the middle of your day
  • Pre-ssert: ┬áDessert before dinner
  • Inter-ssert: ┬áDessert during dinner
  • Dessert: ┬áThe old-time favorite
  • Post-ssert: ┬áDessert after dessert
  • And.. Bed-ssert: ┬áDessert before bed

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Eating ssert’s can be bad for you. Consult experts and people you trust, before eating too many of them.

Who am I?

  • I have gotten out of the way, even when I wasn’t in it to begin with.
  • I have sacrificed muscle-tone for mind-tone.
  • I have sacrificed years for minutes.
  • I have acted like recycling matters.
  • I have shrugged when the bill for pasta, bread, and cheap wine came to $80.
  • I have nearly forgotten how to Walk in the Woods.