I Must Have Been Raised By Whales

Typically, I breathe about once per hour. I’m only partly kidding. I breathe the way a whale does, except whales are supposed to breathe that infrequently.

Since childhood, I’ve known that I’m a “bad” breather. I was diagnosed with asthma at an early age, given an inhaler, and told that I had a problem.

Within a few years, still at an early age, I had self-diagnosed myself with “hysterical asthma”. It was clear to me that my problem was controllable, without medicine or kid-gloves.

How did I know? Well, for me it was clear because:

  • The benefits of my inhaler only lasted about five minutes.
  • A one-hour yoga session yielded benefits that lasted many hours.
  • I typically “clench” a lot and then gasp for air.
  • When I think about it, I breathe much better.
  • And, my Pilates instructor is always telling me, “There needs to be more breathing.” Her mentor is always telling me similar things.

And when she says that, I rise, whale-like, and take a massive gulp of air, then go back to ignoring my lungs.

Also, I am not breathing right now. I am writing, which takes precedence.

2 Replies to “I Must Have Been Raised By Whales”

  1. I never breathed till I was three or four, at least that’s what I believed. Someone told me about breathing and I said i didn’t do it. Then of course I breathed and have ever since. It was all the power of suggestion. I could have gone through my whole life without breathing if he hadn’t said that.

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